Semester Doldrums

This week has been interesting…im kind of at that point in the semester where school is dragging, and its not warm and pretty outside, football season is almost over…just….depressing…..
Trying to keep a positive attitude is really hard. Classes…well my ISS classes are really hard and that frustrating thing is that im actually TRYING. The only classes im cruising in are English and PPL. ISS 375/350 are giving me gray hair and econ is well, Econ. I like History a LOT and I did really well on my last test so I should be fine in there if I keep up the good work. Ive started filling out internship apps for next summer…I cant WAIIIITTTTT to be back in DC! Even just touching base with people, in search of rec letters, made me want to be back in our nation's capitol.

We sang Hosanna at crusade last night--my favorite favorite worship song. "Break my heart for what breaks Yours" is a line of it...That is definitely my prayer right now. Its always a struggle for me to trust fully in the Lord's plan and trust His timing. In school, future, singleness, friends....everything. Christie and I met today as usual, and had a really awesome talk. God doesnt need me to do anything. How humbling! I have nothing to be prideful at all...oh I got an A on my test? GOD CREATED THE UNIVERSE. I got an internship I wanted? GOD SAYS LET THERE BE LIGHT AND THE SUN SHINES. man, thats so convicting! We also talked about how when we place other things above our relationship with the Lord, how its like cheating on God. He is jealous for our affection, just as a husband is jealous for a wife's. Cheating on GOD? whoa. again, soooo convicting. I just struggle so much with letting go of my plans. There lies the difference in head knowledge and heart knowledge. I know in my head that i need to, its just hard to actually really let go and trust COMPLETELY. Its also really tough because when my friends are getting flowers from their boyfriends, texting the flavor of the week or going on dates, I cant be like "hey yall guess what Jesus just texted me!" ugh! I totally KNOW why I am single right now. The Lord is teaching me to be submissive and giving me this precious time to grow in His word, so that He can mold me into the Godly woman that he intends me to be, and so that I will be His tool on campus and in my life in general. Just doesnt make it easier...
I just want to fully trust Him to take care of all of my needs, in order to lift me up in His time. I pray my desires to line up perfectly with His.

"Break my heart for what breaks Yours"